While looking at a book on the subject of grieving over pets I hear a couple make the following exchange:
Woman: This is just the thing we need if we were to kill Alice’s cats and then we could give it to her.
Man: Hmmm, that would work.
Monthly Archives: December 2009
Soundtrack
I’m in love with the new album from Jonsi & Alex titled Riceboy Sleeps. The song above, All the Big Trees, is one of my favorites, though I know that this genre is not everyone’s cup of tea. It is, however, absolutely one of my favorites. I like it because it is particularly good for setting up a soundtrack for any given moment in my day. Songs like this are just as strong as they are subtle, work just as well cranked up as they do turned way down, and are just as capable of being heartbreakingly melancholy as they can be pure joy.
It’s great to be able to have something like this to fall back on when I want to be able to think without losing track of my own thoughts due to some catchy lyrics in a song. I can barely type when people are talking near me, let alone think things through when I can hear singing. I’m a big lyrics person, I can’t tune them out and my brain just latches on and I’m pulled along for the ride. I love that and it really brings depth to my normal music listening, but right now I need a little extra time to keep on top of my thoughts and ahead of the curve.
I’m definitely finding myself in the happier end of things and feeling quite centered, which is amazing considering all the hubbub which is swirling around. Thats why having a good soundtrack is so valuable to me right now. It gives me the extra boost to keep on top of things without sidetracking me or forcing me to flounder in silence.
A Question
This morning I did what I always do on Sunday mornings and I started reading today’s secrets from PostSecret. Today the routine was different because of the addition of a short video. People on the street were asked to share their secrets and the result was different from what I expected. I had expected something very dark and dismal exposing what lies behind the social masks that I had assumed the subjects wear. I don’t know why I would have thought that, as I never wonder what lies beneath with the people I meet day to day. This is a thought-provoking concept which I could fill an entire post on but I want to keep this focused on secrets.
I read PostSecret and I’m amused and shocked and made uncomfortable and moved and, most significantly, I feel connected. The movie was very much in keeping with this. We all have secrets, some of which seem more obvious or less secret-ey than others and some which do reveal a darker side to all of our lives. I share a lot of things here which may at one point or another fallen anywhere on that scale for me. I don’t think that they necessarily always things that I have thought “Oh! I must keep that a secret and not tell anyone!” however. Today I will share a secret though. One that I’ve had since I started this blog or even the one or two predecessors to this site.
I’m afraid that my writing isn’t good enough and that I won’t achieve what I set out to when I first started writing. I’m afraid that I won’t be able to express or share the thoughts and experiences and emotions I had when I was coming out.
I definitely have to be level with myself and just say that by not really following through with that goal, I will fail by default. Pure and simple. I had a rough start earlier this year which stalled out and died after only a few posts and part of the standstill is this secret fear I’ve held. Growing up is messy work, coming out is even more difficult. Combine the two and you get a superfund disaster which, when even I look back on it, makes me cringe and feel critical and criticizing our own work, let alone your own life is ridiculously hard.
Anyhow, that is my secret this week and I may post more or I may not, so there it is.
Quiet Time
The only time it’s quiet enough to think is late at night. The only problem is that it is late at night, which proves to be problematic in the morning.
I’ve always been a night person, staying up late in the still quiet since as long as I can remember. I always figured it was exclusively the product of OCD or ADD or some other alphabet soup sort of thing. But tonight I’m left wondering if it is just because the still and quiet makes it easier to breathe, to think uninterrupted, to just be.
The silence is one of my favorite aspects of winter which will soon be here in the valley. After a heavy snowfall, the muffled, enveloping silence deepens to a point where at night it is almost tangible. It holds a sense of warmth and comfort in stark contrast to the frigid conditions just outside.
I love the silence at night. It’s funny how the absence of something, in this case sound and vibration, can be so very fulfilling.