Category Archives: Musings

In The Lurch

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I’ve been naughty lately.  I haven’t posted for far too long and that just won’t do.  There is a story behind why and it kind of turns into another long technogeek post so I apologize to those of you who aren’t as interested!

I haven’t posted because I ended up caving in and doing something stupid.  I knew this would happen after being so vocal about my dislike of the iPhone 3GS pricing.  I thought that I could be a good boy and wait for the next revolutionary change in the iPhone product line and pass on this evolutionary offering.  I even thought I might be able to leave the iPhone and to back to my Nokia roots and live happily with a Symbian smartphone…  Then my brother called and asked to buy my iPhone for a really fair price and the whole deal was off.  I went and bought a new iPhone 3GS.  I had convinced myself that I could live without it.

I was without my crackPhone for a week.  A single week.  After just 48 hours the deal was off.  It was like my right arm had been severed just below the shoulder.  I hadn’t realized that my day-to-day information was tied up in the stupid thing and I just couldn’t jump ship.  Apple’s advertising push of “there’s an app for that” really defines the struggle I had to a T.  The primary application which really brought the situation to light is an elegantly simple and free application called Balance which I use to keep track of my “fun money” checking account apart from my bill pay and savings accounts.  I love this application to little bits and pieces all over and I really couldn’t find anything on the two competing platforms (S60 Symbian on Nokia and Android from Google) which I liked.

I also enjoy the fact that my credit union partners with the vendor who powers the Mobile Banking application which I use to pay bills with a very simple, sleek interface.  In fact I have come to depend on the simple and sleek interfaces for most of my daily computing and communication functions including GPS, SMS, mail, scheduling, contact management, weather, social networking, news, reference, blogging (!!!), and last but not least (considering its an iDevice) media sharing and consumption.  I know that most of these functions are available on every other smartphone on the market, but the unified design aesthetic which has emerged among the applications, cultivated and encouraged by Apple, is a key selling point for me.

This just shows how Apple has, yet again, figured out a way and developed it carefully, to keep people hooked.  Unlike the original closed sandbox created with the iTunes Music Store  and DRM (which was forced upon them by the music labels to an extent) which fenced you within the iPod ecosystem, Apple benefits from the very nature of software development being so involved with a single platform.  They have provided a very powerful set of tools to lure developers, both brand spanking new and veteran developers, to develop some amazing (and some not so amazing) applications which now number in the tens of thousands.  This abundance drives competition and provides numerous choices which serve almost every need imaginable.

Apple originally stated that dynamic web applications and Web 2.0 would be enough to drive independent innovation through the browser and no one would need to develop applications to run on the iPhone operating system.  The sandbox was closed with a big sign nailed to the tree next to it saying, “No Independent Development Allowed!”  Two things changed this.  The first being the jailbreak community which started to grow, cultivating a market for unauthorized 3rd-party apps.  People were able to see just how much was possible with the iPhone and demanded open development.  The second issue being the new influx of smart devices which use the WebKit browser which powers Safari on the iPhone.  Suddenly all these dynamic web applications benefit every platform, some of which had faster radios and chipsets, outpacing the performance the first and second generation iPhones.

Now I have to say that I firmly believe Apple did intend to open the platform to 3rd-party development from the beginning.  I could spin numerous reasons and ideas as to why this wasn’t offered at the get-go, but I do believe that the situation evolved much more quickly and in more directions than Apple anticipated.  Their hand was forced to a great extent and but they didn’t just roll over. They pulled something very clever out of their hat in traditional Apple style.  They created the iPhone SDK and a simple, effective distribution model through the iTunes app store which took a lot of hassle out of the development, debugging, marketing, distribution and sales processes.  Regular developers with ideas for applications could publish them straight to the market and not have to worry about the business end of things.  There were still strings attached with limitations to the APIs available to developers and the sometimes cumbersome app approval process but it paved the way for hundreds and then thousands of developers to get busy.

Just one year later, with a store now packed full of tens of thousands of applications, Apple now has an effortless way of keeping people loyal while driving new adoption: a diverse and robust set of applications with compelling features and an easy way to keep consuming more.  With an average of 20 apps downloaded per iPhone, people build up a personal portfolio of sorts made up of their “OMG-I-can’t-live-without-this” applications.  The device becomes “sticky” or embedded into the daily functions of a person’s life.  It enables certain convenient behaviors and habits and is in every meaning of the word, an addiction.  Sure I could have lived without my iPhone, just like any one could technically function without internet access or a telephone.  But would I want to?  Absolutely not.

Surviving Year One

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I’m starting a series which I have been anxious to share and have been anxious about sharing.  This will be the chronicle of the first year of my life after I came out in May 2005.  This was a very tumultuous time in my life when everything seemingly turned to shit and the universe fell apart.  I felt isolated and alone and found great solace in writing, to the tune of up to 5,000-6,000 words a week and more.  I have very detailed records and accounting of almost that entire year and the challenges and issues I was dealing with on a daily basis.  As early as June 2005 I began to think I should share some of the lessons and events I experienced during that first year.

I have had a lot of inspiration and drive to share the events of this period from a lot of different sources.  If it hadn’t been for the amazing writing over at dooce.com by Heather Armstrong, I wouldn’t have had the gumption to open up and deal with the chronic depression and anxiety which I had struggled to cope with for years before and since coming out.  Her writing and example taught me that some of the things we need to talk about are the most difficult and even taboo in our society.  Some problems just don’t disappear by sheer force of will and we have to sit down and be very honest with ourselves and the people close to us about them.  Had I not found her blog in 2003, I don’t think I would be here now.

Another influence was the book “In Quiet Desperation: Understanding The Challenge Of Same-gender Attraction” which I read in the first month when first came out.  This book was an overwhelming non-answer to the millions of questions I had jarring about in my head.  In fact, this book left so many questions open and brought into play so much more self-doubt and fear for me, I nearly committed suicide after getting half way through.  I stopped reading the book at that point so I don’t judge it too harshly as I was not able to gather the full intent from the authors.  I felt strongly that there should be something more constructive, more real and evocative for people to connect with.  Something that shared the more intimate and real thought processes and the mistakes and triumphs of someone as they began to understand their sexuality.

I wanted at that time, more than anything in this universe, was someone I could relate to and not feel so alone.  Someone else who was dealing with the same issues I was dealing with so I could better understand my own situation and be less scared of the unknown as it was stretching out in front of me and consuming the life I has previously come to expect.  My hope is that someone may be helped in any way, large or small, by what I have to share.  I will cover things fairly chronologically, so you will be able to see the evolution of my story and of the person I was at that time.  I will be pulling stuff directly from journal entries, making digests of the notes and writing I have, or I may share thoughts I have regarding things then and now.

Finally, a word of warning.  The content of these posts may be difficult for some people to read.  This is going to cover a lot of ground including things like depression, anxiety, religion, sexuality and personal opinion.  These opinions are my own and will reflect both my current views as well as impressions and views I held four years ago.  It’s important to understand that my motivations are not to persuade anyone of one specific way of thinking or lifestyle or to marginalize anyones beliefs or feelings.  Please feel free to comment as I welcome constructive feedback and questions which I hope to address as time goes on.

OMG Photos!

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Three.  Long.  Years…  I have been without a decent camera for three grueling, long years and now I have deliverance.

In 2006 I was a very much younger person than I am now and in considerably humbler circumstances than I currently enjoy.  I was in my first apartment out on my own, learning the ropes of the 9-5 work week and some of the slightly harsher realities of grown-up life.  To help pay my rent in those rockier early days I sold digital camera to my parents.  It was a Fuji Finepix S7000 which was then considered a fairly good “prosumer” camera.  I loved that camera very much and in spite of nagging drawbacks like an integrated lens and digital viewfinder, it took (and still takes) excellent photos.

I think that no matter what the tool your are using to take a picture, be it a pinhole camera, some cheap disposable, a Nokia, an iPhone, or the latest and greatest 50-megapixel Hasselblad, you can make great photos.  Each one of these devices has a different personality, strengths and weaknesses.  If you learn to see scenes and things worth capturing and learn how eke out every last quality of that device, you can create stunning images consistently and be very happy.  I managed to be remarkably happy using the various camera-equipped mobile phones I have had over the years, but that didn’t keep me from wanting more.

I have always enjoyed for their slightly distorted, gritty immediacy, but that casual, lo-fi quality leaves much to be desired however, especially for OCD people like me.  A very slow and careful journey brought me to the present day, constantly waiting for better technologies to come out and for innovation to drop prices to much more affordable levels.  My friend Ali had got her hands on the Canon 20D which I used at her wedding last summer to take some photos for her and I was completely bowled over.  After some careful thought, procrastination, research, procrastination, and soul-searching I decided that the 20D was just enough camera for me right now packing a lot of features and a jaw-dropping price as an older model if bought used.

Once my mind was set I turned to craigslist, which I adore endlessly, and immediately found a local professional photographer who had one for sale.  It was in perfect condition, well loved and had an excellent price tag.  Now I just have to gather the supporting gear and I’ll be snapping away with abandon.  The amazing RAW files I can capture take up a freaking crap-load of space so I have ordered a couple good sized memory cards.  I will eventually have to invest in some additional storage to house what will be a rapidly growing photo library.  Once I get the cards and possibly some additional lenses, I’ll be in photographic heaven.

I’m really excited because I will be able to post more interesting photos here and I hope to get some good feedback on what I post.  I’m thrilled to be back in the saddle, flexing my artistic muscles, and rekindling the love-affair I started so many years ago when I first picked up dad’s Canon AE-1.

Bathroom Stall Philosophers

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I will resort to using a public restroom in cases of only the most dire emergency.  Just over a year ago, while doing some Christmas shopping in 2007, I had a dire emergency at Barnes & Noble.  On the whole, this restroom only fueled the underlying fear and loathing I have regarding these awful spaces with the lone, awkwardly delightful exception of this discovery I made there.

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There will always be a special place in my heart for clever graffiti, especially fun local examples like these.  I’m reminded of the artwork of Banksy, who I consider to be one of the most inspired and talented artists of our time.

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Small Steps

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This past week has been an unmitigated political shitstorm of issues here in Utah with regards to the gay community.  But in the face of such hideous and despicable commentary from a small, ignorant man there are moments of hope and beauty.  Tonight at the Academy Awards, Dustin Lance Black won an Oscar for the best original screenplay for Milk.  I was very moved by his eloquent speech: